My husband and I have had some rough times lately. I was 19 when we met, he was 29. He knew who he was. I had no idea. I'm older now, 25, and I've got a lot more to learn. But I've come a long way in the last few years. Unfortunately, there are some things I can't get through my thick head. One, is that in a marriage, when you're needs change, it's a hell of a good idea to notify your partner. Seems most people *can't* read minds and it helps them out a whole bunch if you just tell em what you want. Especially when it's a man. Whoops.
So for the last six months Ed and I have been just awful to each other. I'd get shitty when he'd so something I didn't like. But he didn't know he'd done something I didn't like so I just came off looking like a crazy bitch. So he'd get shitty back. Then that would piss me off more. Seeing the pattern yet?
Well last week it finally came to a head. Seems when you talk things out, and you really do love each other, and you've got just about the cutest little boy in the world to think about, there just isn't much you can't work through. I updated him on what I need, he did the same and we've spent alot of time making sure we get those needs met. He's being more affectionate, helping out around the house more. I'm making sure to get enough sleep (which means not only am I happier but I have the energy for a certain mariatal obligation *wink wink*)and I really watch my tone of voice when I speak to him.
Thank God it's been this this simple to fix. We've also agreed to have regular "maintenance" talks so we don't get to this point again. We've been married 4 years so we've got a long way to go and I know this is just one of many bumps in the road. But I sure do love that man. And that goes a long way.
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>>Seems most people *can't* read minds and it helps them out a whole bunch if you just tell em what you want. Especially when it's a man. Whoops.<<
Good on you for realizing that. Believe me, there is nothing more devastating than to come home and find your wife gone, and having your first clue as to why detailed in the 'Dear AD' letter.
If only she had told me how she felt before she left, we could have saved our marriage. As it was, she chose to share those feelings with another man, and not her husband.
It very nearly ruined me, and it came way too close to making me hate a woman who had given me the best years of my life.
He can't be a good husband unless you let him know what he's doing wrong, LB.
Wow AD, that's rough. At least everything that happened led you to Babs, though. However unlikely you may have thought falling in love to be!
Thanks for the advice. I really do love my husband and I'd do just about anything for him. Thankfully for me he's got the patience of Job. The ten year age difference really helps him to understand what I'm going through in finding out who I am. I think if we were both 25 it wouldn't be so easy to talk things through. I'm a lucky woman.
My wife and I have been gong to a married couple's Sunday School class for about a year. The first study we did was "boundaries in marriage". We are now going through one called "Love & Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
Regardless of your religious beliefs, I highly recommend it. Some of the principles don't fit well with our current societal "enlightenment" but sometimes, age old truths are the way to go.
The basic premise is that Women REQUIRE love and men REQUIRE respect. It is imperative for the husband to display love for his wife at all times...whether she deserves it or not and it is imperative for the woman to display respect for her husband at all times...whether he deserves it or not.
Before you get all defensive, that doesn't mean that women are required to kowtow or grovel. It does not mean that the wife can never criticize or correct her husband. It only means that she should not demean him in doing so.
That's all the detail I'll go into here but both the importance of boundary setting and the concepts of the Love & Respect connection have done wonders for our marriage.
In any case, the bottom line is that it takes two to tango and both have to do their parts.
That class ounds interesting. I'll definitely have to do some research on what's available in my town
Communication is important; I have been happily married for 34 years and have never regretted it even for an instant. I respect my wife and treat her as a partner (it works best if the husband treats the wife as a senior partner, by the way), and we've never had any serious problems that couldn't be ironed out easily by talking things over.
Wow 34 years is quite an accomplishment! I'm looking forward to making it there
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