Yep, evil genius, that's me

According to experts, my personality type is : Evil Genius Other people like me display these traits. They like rap music They dine and dash They are geeks They like boiled cabbage Take the Ink Blot Personality Quiz at JokesUnlimited.com

Except for the cabbage part. Yech!

Gun lust

I went to the range yesterday to teach a class. I shoot IPSC and every year in the late summer/early fall my women's group hosts a class for newbies. We aim for women but everyone is welcome. We've got a match coming up on Sunday so we thought this week would be a good time. It's soon enough that if they get excited about it they won't have to wait, thus taking the chance the excitement may diminish. I'm a total pistol girl. I hate shooting clays but I'll use a shot gun to shoot small furries (or large furries, or winged prey, whatever.) In any case the shotgun and I are on OK terms but I'm not about to wet my pants over it. I do really enjoy rifles. In fact I have a Les Baer AR15 that will make prairie dog goo in a heartbeat. But in my heart it's really all about the pistol. I haven't gotten into the true "race" guns. Yet. It's a truly expensive habit and I just know that once I go there, there will be no return. So for competition I use pretty much out of the box. I'll add a flared magazine well for easy reloads and of course new sights. And I may have my gunsmith do a little trigger work depending on how tight it is.
So tonight I'm going to feed my addiction with this-

A Para Ordnance Todd Jarrett USPSA Limited Edition .40 pistol. It comes with a Novak Extreme Duty® adjustable rear sight combined with a fiber optic front sight. It also has a magazine well as cavernous as “Jaws” so you can smoke reloads like Todd. Or so the web site says. In any case I'm in love. Seriously smitten. Now I have to go do some serious damage to the bank account. Who needs clothes when you've got firearms and accessories!

Speechless.

Three of the best bloggers you'll ever read have managed to collaborate a story that will bring tears to your eyes and maybe make you laugh just a little. I will also remind you how precious life is, especially the ones you gave birth to. Please educate your children and spare the "boys will be boys" mentality. Your kids deserve better than that.
Start with the cop, Matt for Part 1
Head on over to AD's for part 2
And finish up with the nurse, Babs for the conclusion

I'm not sold on the libertarian thing

My Conservative Identity:

You are an Anti-government Gunslinger, also known as a libertarian conservative. You believe in smaller government, states’ rights, gun rights, and that, as Reagan once said, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’”

Take the quiz at www.FightLiberals.com

Huh. No big surprise there says the new owner of a Kel Tec .380. I can hide this baby under the shortest skirt I own. Hell yeah!

It's me alright

My best friend emailed me these lyrics. My dad always told me God forgot to install the filter between my brain and my mouth. Looks like I have a new theme song!

*shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits

Yep you heard me right. I'm going to see George Carlin tonight! I adore Carlin. In fact I have an entire date planned with my Dad. He knows I've been going through a ton of stuff lately and he called yesterday to tell me he got us tickets. Hubby doesn't think he's funny so he's going to stay home with the rugrat. The concert is at one of our new fancy shmancy casino's so we're going to have dinner, play a few slot machines, and then see the one of the funniest men ever! Dad and I both have a seriously dry sense of humor and I know not everyone appreciates that so it will be nice to get to go with someone who does. I rarely get to spend any time with my Dad by myself so I'm really looking forward to it. I'm sure we'll have a blast!

*These words are included in Carlin's monologue entitled "Filthy Words." The man actually got the supreme court to say these words out loud. You can find the entire court transcript under the Documents section of his website.

Well, that's an odd choice

Apparently Drew Carey of all people will be taking over hosting duties at the Price Is Right. I'm not sure what exactly they're hoping to accomplish by hiring s well known comedian. First of all I don't watch PIR for the funny host. Bob Barker handles off the wall contestants well enough but I never expected him to be funny. All though the whole Happy Gilmore scene was a riot. I guess I was hoping they'd pick someone not so well known. Now I have all these preconceived notions about how the show will be next season. Blah. I want Bob back.

Judgements

We all judge people. Some of us more often and more harshly than others, but we all do it. That's where stereotypes come from. I hate when I catch myself judging people. I'm a frequent offender and make a consious effort not to. I know how i come off. And for the most part it's innacurate. I'm tall, thin, and really blonde. I tan (b/c I'm of the opinion that tan fat looks better than white fat and yes I know I'm not fat but my painfully Irish skin still irks me in the summer) and I have good size boobs. I look like I would be a complete idiot. I hate when people judge me by the way I look so I try my very best not to do the same to other people. Still this morning at 3:45 am in the 7-11 parking lot on my way to work two young men pulled up with loud rap type music (noise) and got our with their pants halfway down their ass and their hats on crooked with ciggarettes in their hands. And for a moment the feel of my .22 strapped inside my waistband was a very comforting feeling. So I wonder, at what point does having good sense cross over into being overly judgemental and paranoid?

I'm really not that complicated

I am moody. There are days when I can get all wrapped up in whatever is going on in my life, not like the direction my thoughts are headed and actually think to myself "Give it an hour and your mood will change."
I have the attention span of a house fly. Unless you can keep me enthralled with whatever it is you're rambling about you can assume I'm catching about every third word. I rarely finish anything in one sitting, but I always finish everything on time. You have to be pretty damn interesting to keep me interested in you. Few people accomplish this. As a result most people either love me or hate me. There is no gray area.
I don't have many friends but I'm a fiercely loyal to the ones I do have. There are select few that understand my painfully dry sense of humor. Who know that I have few interests but am very passionate about the ones I have. Politics, gun control, and great books are at the top of the list.
To be my friend you have to understand that I am high strung. It takes very little to get me riled up, but to be fair it's pretty damn amusing when I am. I am set in my ways. No one is harder on me than I am. I expect the same of everyone else.
I can be manipulative. Never in a mean way and only to those who I do not wish to make feel like an idiot. I'm manipulative in a "Gee that's a good idea but maybe you could look at it from this angle" kind of way. Make them think it's their idea and they'll go for it every time.
I can be high maintenance. It takes me half an hour to get ready from shower to out the door but I have expensive taste. However, I also make my own money and don't ask anyone else for a dime.
I work hard. I enjoy physical work that allows me to see what I've accomplished. I also enjoy work that makes me think. I'm a hard worker b/c I am fiercely competitive. I want to be the best and then I feel bad when someone else does worse than me.
I get uncomfortable when people compliment me and offended if they don't. My mind works differently than most people's. I used to think that was an arrogant thought when I was younger, now I just know it's fact.
I tell bad jokes that I think are hilarious. I could listen to George Carlin all day long. Give me George and Bill Cosby and I'll be in stitches on the floor.
Which reminds me, I'm loud. I talk loud I laugh loud and I don't do anything half assed.
I love good food. Any kind of food as long as it's GOOD. I enjoy expensive champagne and Tecate (lime, extra salt). I could drink my weight in sweet tea. Chocolate is my weakness but any other sweet treat I can pass on.
I'm expressive. My best friend can tell you what mood I'm in by watching me walk. I chew on my lip when I'm angry and I hum when I'm nervous. You can tell anything you want to know about me by looking me in the eyes.
My biggest pet peeve is when people argue with me when I KNOW I'm right. I also hate when people aren't on time and when they make excuses.
Women don't generally like me b/c I communicate like a man. If you have a problem don't come to me for sympathy. If you want suggestions on how to fix it, I'm you're gal. You will never have to wonder where you stand with me.
I'm not a good house keeper and it drives my mother nuts. No man will ever measure up to my Dad.
I'm a flirt. If you take my flirting for more than it's worth you should get out more. I wear low cut tops and ripped jeans and cowboy boots. I also adore great dresses and stiletto heels.
My best friend is a man that's 20 years older than I am. I don't care if it makes sense to you but, aside from the man I married, he's the only one that really gets me and won't hesitate to call me on my bullshit. I'll push the limit until you call me on it. I assume if you have an issue with me you'll tell me. If I don't hear otherwise from you I'll assume everything is peachy. Yes his wife knows about me and no we aren't sleeping together. I define the parameters of my personal relationships regardless of how it may "look" to others. If it doesn't make sense to you you need to open you mind a little more.
I know who I am and I know that everything I think i know may change in 5 years. I'm not even 30 yet, there is a lot that I don't know. I make quick judgements but I'm just as quick to admit when I'm wrong about someone. I'm always open to learning new things. As a result I'm a wealth of random, but not entirely useless, information.
I have a bumper sticker that reads "Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun." I also have a concealed carry license and a Walther P22 under my jean skirt. Thunderwear is the best invention ever.
And so help me God if i have to deal with one more male that assumes b/c I have blonde hair and big tits I'm an empty headed woman only here for their amusement they may get a little closer look at that new laser sight I just installed.

New look

Someone sent me the link to this layout in an email and I thought it fit me well. Now as soon as I can find an acceptable picture of moi I'll replace the one that's up.

Now that my DSL has come out of it's coma

I present you with my lazy Saturday joke. Hey it made me giggle-

How to Start Each Day with a Positive Outlook:
#1 Open a new file in your computer
#2 Name it “Hilary Rodham Clinton”
#3 Send it to the trash
#4 Empty the trash
#5 Your PC will ask you, “Do you really want to get ridof “Hilary Rodham Clinton?”
#6 Firmly click “YES”
#7 Feel better

P. S. Next week we’ll do Nancy Pelosi

Oops

They can launch rockets but they still need spellcheck.

Southern vernacular

My best friend is from Colorado. I didn't realize until I met her that I talked "funny." My childhood was littered with all kinds of sayings.
some of my grandpa's gems-
"If it has tits or tires, you're gonna have trouble."
"Don't get you titties pumpin oil!"
From my grandmother-
"If you want sympathy you can find it between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary"
When asked how she was she'd respond "Cool as the underside of my pilla " (pillow for those of you that don't speak southern)
My dad used to say he "Told em how the cow ate the cabbage."
He used the phrase "a good many" frequently as in "I have a good many shells to load."
There were others that were more common, "Put up or shut up." "Pull up your big girl panties and get over it."
We use words like "ya'll", "ain't", and frequently shorten words. 'Going' becomes 'gonna', 'them' become 'em', "What are you doing" is rephrased to "Whatcha'doin."
Beyond the speech differences is the fact that I've lived in the same town almost my whole life. She's seen me walk into the auto parts store with new brakes and not spend a dime b/c my husband pulled Greg's son's truck outta the pond last summer. I picked up a case of Tecate from the liquor store last weekend and sisn't spend a dime b/c Colin was comin by after work to drink it anyhow. I got my car CD player fixed by Chris b/c I've paid for his morning coffee more than once when he was just gettin his business started. I don't pay a dime for oil changes in exchange for a guaranteed seat on my husbands bass boat whenever JJ wants to go. I came home with a mess of cucumbers, grape tomatoes, new potatoes, okra, peaches, squash, and homemade plum jelly last night. In part for my birthday and in part b/c I took Chad's mama to the doc last week when he couldn't get off work. Hewitt's comin to grind a stump for us for nothin just because I visited him every day when he had his stint put in. I din't expect nothin, I just enjoy the old coot so much I wanted to see him.
It sad to me that there aren't places like this everywhere. I remember growin up, the sheriff dressed up as Santa and came to my house b/c he an Poppa used to play ball together. That same sheriff taught me how to two step at their high school reunion when I was seven. We have a fish fry at Daddy's twice a year and every fireman and cop in town that ain't working is there. And the one's that are workin come if they can get away with it.
It's a sad state when local high school kids can't go to the river and drink beer anymore. And ride four wheelers and know that if they get into any real trouble their daddy's are gonna whup em with out a second thought. When girls are dressing like they're 30 at 16 b/c their mama's won't out right tell them if they wear that skirt they're gonna look slutty. And we just ain't havin that. The one time I stood up to Mom whe told me if I was going to hit her I'd better hope to God I killed her b/c she would get back up. I never did it again. When I said I didn't want to do something she'd asked there wasn't a thought about my "self esteem." She just said she didn't remember giving me an option. And when I got caught smoking my grandpa made me smoke an entire pack of unfiltered Camels. I never touched another one.
I hope that small towns like this one don't ever totally cease to exist. Because while few of the towns may produce pesidents or CEO's what they give up is good, honest, hardworking people who love their neighbors instead of shoot them. People who don't lock their doors and welcome you in for a cold glass of sweet tea. People who, even when they don't have money, will give you all the produce you need form their garden to feed your family if times are rough. People who would, literally, give you the shirts off their backs. I may sound funny but by God I'm proud of who I am and where I come from. And I wouldn't trade this for any high rise apartemnt if you were giving it to me.

Happy Birthday!

To me! Yep it's my birthday. I'll confess to judging what kind of freind you are by whether or not I get a phone call/email/text. So far so good. It's nine AM and I feel loved. A good friend is making me homemade chicken and dumplings tonight. He's 65 and after a recent heart attack and and even more recent stint he's become the gourmet cook. Supper at his house is always wonderful and healthy. I work 4a to 9a so I won't be doing anything else until Saturday when my best friend is taking me out to my favorite Mexican food place. Cold Tecate (lime, extra salt) and the best queso and slasa aroiund. I can't wait. Also the perfect excuse to wear the hot new dress that's been hanging in my closet with the tags still on. Between work, school, and my kiddo I don't get the chance to get a gussied up much. Lookin forward to it! Hope ya'll have a good day!

My ovary has betrayed me

Again. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 17. They removed the left one where the tumor was and then forced me to spend an entire year in the 7 th level of Dante's summer home. Yep, chemo. I lost all my hair, gained weight and got bloated. Add to that the fact that I'm pretty sure I vomited my spleen up daily and you've got your self my junior year of high school. Needless to say my hair in my senior pics is reminiscent of Sharon Stone. Not a good look for me.
I go back to the devil, um, doctor, every 6 months. Up until yesterday everything was fine. Not so much anymore. There are cancerous cells. According to the doc we caught it SUPER early but none the less it's back. I start Topotecan treatments on Monday. It's an IV drip, half an hour. I go for 5 days, then back every 21 days for four months. Rumor has it that there isn't usually significant hair loss with the drug. That's what bothered me the most. Because then people know. Not that I'm embarrassed to have cancer. Mostly I'm angry. Angry at having lost an entire year of high school. Angry that I had to have children earlier than planned b/c they weren't sure if I was going to have to have a hysterectomy. Thankfully that worked out for the best. I'd been married a few years, finished my B.S., etcetera etcetera. It's pretty certain that even still I'll have to have a hysterectomy in my 30's. They would do it now, but I'm not ready.
I still don't want people to know. They look at your differently, they treat you differently, and worse of all they fell sorry for you. I hate hate hate pity. Don't feel sorry for me dammit. Be angry at my body for betraying me. Distract me when you can tell I'm about to lose it. Help me cope with my panic attacks. But DO NOT feel sorry for me.
The anger will subside some. I'll begin to accept the challenge ahead of me and hopefully this drug is better then the last Molotov cocktail they pumped through my veins. Thankfully I convinced Dr. Doom that treatment could wait until next Monday. Thursday is my birthday and I will not spend my birthday with my head in a porcelain bowl.
So I have a little less than a week to pretend that life is normal. I'm going to lunch with a good friend this afternoon who makes me laugh and will buy me a beer or two. My best friend goes in tomorrow to get his PET scan done to see if his lung cancer is spreading. I told him this morning that even G*d's sense of humor isn't warped enough for both of us to have shitty tests.
I hate that "cancer patient" has become my identity again. It's not one I like. I hate that I have this stuff in me. It's not like a cold virus. It's tangible stuff. And I want it gone. What I don't want is to have to start hormone therapy before I'm 30. So for now, I'm opting for the chemo. I'll keep my uterus and ovary even if they are staging a rebellion. And I will win.

Grad school sucks

It's one in the after noon. I woke up about 7, showered, got dressed, took the kiddo out to breakfast, put him in front of a movie (I HATE HATE HATE doing that), wrote an essay, got kiddo ready to go with his grandma, did a discussion board assignment, appeased my "starving" husband (yeah, right) and went to lunch, came back did another discussion board assignment and now I'm taking a break. I still have to write to journal type essays and take a 45 minute (timed) test. And pray while I'm taking the test that nothing disturbs me b/c once you start the timer you cannot stop it. Oh and there's a 15 minute extra credit portion i have to do so that id something does disturb me and I tank the test at least I'll have a little cushion. On top of that hubby wants me to get up at 1 am tomorrow to go freaking fishing. Fishing at one in the G*d damn morning. I may be a little nutty but I'm not insane. My ass is staying planted in my warm bed. That is if I don't throw this computer and myself out the damn window before I finish all of my homework.

20/20

Hindsight that is. I hate being taken advantage of. What I hate worse is when I don't see it coming. I met a nice guy about several months ago and we got to be pretty good friends. He would call once or twice a week and we'd chat. He was always very nice and funny and very supportive of me. He's married, so am I. I never asked to meet his wife, had no reason to. My husband knew I'd made a friend at work and didn't think anything of it. He's quite a bit older than I am so I never invited him to anything but lunch b/c the age gap is just too wide. Regardless, he seemed sweet enough and I enjoyed his company. So today I find out from one of his coworkers that he's been telling people we're sleeping together. Now know how gossip works in a small town and especially in his field so I invite him out to lunch b/c I'm not one to go jumping to conclusions. I want to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak. Guess what? While he swears he never said we had anything going, he did mention that his wife knew nothing about me (red flag) and that he wouldn't be opposed to something happening. Jerk. Once he figured out that nothing was going to happen he couldn't get away fast enough. I'm not a stupid woman. I'm not naive. I'm also not sure how this asshole slipped my radar. I didn't even see the headlights before the truck hit. The whole thing is a shame b/c I really liked him. I felt like he "got" me and not many people do. It also seem sodd that one would invest that much time into a frtiendship just for sex. I got to second guessing my self thinking that maybe thsoe weren't his intentions all along and that maybe when the opportunity arose he decided to test the waters. Then I recall the look on his face and I get pissed off all over again. I just know he's going to call again. I'm not sure what to say. My first instinct is to eat his ass off. It'll make me feel better but there;s always a chance I'll come off looking like an idiot. I could nicely tell him I don't think we should speak anymore but that doesn't seem satisfying at all. I hate days like this. Like Jay G said "Some days you're the windshield and some days you're the bug." Today I'm the bug.

Birthday and cancer

Goodness. I've been busy. Between school (I took WAY too many hours) and work and my 2 1/2 year old and my husband I don't have time to turn around. I have a test this week, two discussion boards to complete and an essay. I also have got to get to the eye doctor. I'm on my last pair of contacts and I'm blind as a bat with out them.
Also my birthday is a week from today. I have to work next Friday so I won't be doing anything that day. However my a good friend is going to take me out to eat the weekend after. There is the Mexican food restaurant that has the absolute best salsa and queso. The ice cold Tequate doesn't hurt either.
On the down side my best friend in the entire world has his doctor's appt next Wednesday. He was diagnosed with lung cancer 4 years ago. The removed 3 of the 4 spots but the last one left is super close to his spine (the pictures look like it's almost right on top) and his oncologist was afraid the surgery would be more dangerous then the cancer. So every six months he goes in for a PET scan. If the spot is the same he goes on about his business. However if it's larger something will have to be done. I'm nervous. I just can't imagine not having him around. He seems to handle it well though. He really has an amazing outlook on life. He's a fireman and he says that having seen all that he's seen you learn to look at life differently.
I know he's scared though. He has an 18 inch scar that runs from behind his ear down his jawline and neck. He has a spot on his stomach where the feeding tube was b/c his throat was paralyzed from surgery. Not to mention how UNfun chemo is. So for those of you that do it, prayers would be great. He's a really wonderful guy who has been the best friend anyone could ask for. For those of you that don't pray what ever good wishes you've got are most welcome.