Southern vernacular

My best friend is from Colorado. I didn't realize until I met her that I talked "funny." My childhood was littered with all kinds of sayings.
some of my grandpa's gems-
"If it has tits or tires, you're gonna have trouble."
"Don't get you titties pumpin oil!"
From my grandmother-
"If you want sympathy you can find it between 'shit' and 'syphilis' in the dictionary"
When asked how she was she'd respond "Cool as the underside of my pilla " (pillow for those of you that don't speak southern)
My dad used to say he "Told em how the cow ate the cabbage."
He used the phrase "a good many" frequently as in "I have a good many shells to load."
There were others that were more common, "Put up or shut up." "Pull up your big girl panties and get over it."
We use words like "ya'll", "ain't", and frequently shorten words. 'Going' becomes 'gonna', 'them' become 'em', "What are you doing" is rephrased to "Whatcha'doin."
Beyond the speech differences is the fact that I've lived in the same town almost my whole life. She's seen me walk into the auto parts store with new brakes and not spend a dime b/c my husband pulled Greg's son's truck outta the pond last summer. I picked up a case of Tecate from the liquor store last weekend and sisn't spend a dime b/c Colin was comin by after work to drink it anyhow. I got my car CD player fixed by Chris b/c I've paid for his morning coffee more than once when he was just gettin his business started. I don't pay a dime for oil changes in exchange for a guaranteed seat on my husbands bass boat whenever JJ wants to go. I came home with a mess of cucumbers, grape tomatoes, new potatoes, okra, peaches, squash, and homemade plum jelly last night. In part for my birthday and in part b/c I took Chad's mama to the doc last week when he couldn't get off work. Hewitt's comin to grind a stump for us for nothin just because I visited him every day when he had his stint put in. I din't expect nothin, I just enjoy the old coot so much I wanted to see him.
It sad to me that there aren't places like this everywhere. I remember growin up, the sheriff dressed up as Santa and came to my house b/c he an Poppa used to play ball together. That same sheriff taught me how to two step at their high school reunion when I was seven. We have a fish fry at Daddy's twice a year and every fireman and cop in town that ain't working is there. And the one's that are workin come if they can get away with it.
It's a sad state when local high school kids can't go to the river and drink beer anymore. And ride four wheelers and know that if they get into any real trouble their daddy's are gonna whup em with out a second thought. When girls are dressing like they're 30 at 16 b/c their mama's won't out right tell them if they wear that skirt they're gonna look slutty. And we just ain't havin that. The one time I stood up to Mom whe told me if I was going to hit her I'd better hope to God I killed her b/c she would get back up. I never did it again. When I said I didn't want to do something she'd asked there wasn't a thought about my "self esteem." She just said she didn't remember giving me an option. And when I got caught smoking my grandpa made me smoke an entire pack of unfiltered Camels. I never touched another one.
I hope that small towns like this one don't ever totally cease to exist. Because while few of the towns may produce pesidents or CEO's what they give up is good, honest, hardworking people who love their neighbors instead of shoot them. People who don't lock their doors and welcome you in for a cold glass of sweet tea. People who, even when they don't have money, will give you all the produce you need form their garden to feed your family if times are rough. People who would, literally, give you the shirts off their backs. I may sound funny but by God I'm proud of who I am and where I come from. And I wouldn't trade this for any high rise apartemnt if you were giving it to me.