Things I don't need to hear

I am 33 weeks pregnant. Eight months people. Anyone who tells you pregnancy is 9 months long is excruciatingly bad at math and should be struck down with some flesh eating parasitic disease. Pregnancy is FORTY WEEKS. That means you COMPLETE your nine months and, if you have a fetus who particularly enjoys the constant 98.6 degree hot tub and the all day buffet, you quite potentially go into your TENTH month of being pregnant.

With that a list of things I don't need to hear

~ I am not a first time mom. I have been through labor (and a c section.) I do not need to hear your horror stories. I do not care about your cousin's best friend's daughter's 36 hour labor.

~ On a related note I do not need to hear about how the epidural wore off halfway through labor. About how their blood pressure dropped and they passed out. Or about the blood transfusion they needed to keep from dying OH MY GOD

~ Yes I plan to nurse. I nursed my son for 35 months (yes you read that right.) So I know all about sore nipples, and nursing strikes, and bleeding and cracking and how I'll never be able to leave my baby. Most of that listed is complete bullshit.

~Yes, we plan on cosleeping with the new baby just as we did with my son. If you think sex can only be had in the bed, at night, I have a book you need to read.

~ I am 8 months pregnant. DO NOT EVER say to a pregnant woman (or ANY female) "Oh you're getting SO big!" Because then I want to point out you're kind of a fat ass yourself. Yes I know it's "mostly baby" but I also know that doesn't mean the entire 35 lbs I've gained is going to disappear as soon as I finish gestating. So back off.

~ I don't grab your crotch so don't touch my belly. Normal manners still apply to pregnant women. If you wouldn't feel comfortable touching my stomach when it isn't housing a baby don't touch it when it is. It's creepy.

~ NO it's not twins and YES that is rude

~ Yes I look like I'm about to "pop." That's becasue you're used to seeing pregnant women on TV. Normal women don't look like that. Angelina Jolie's weight at 9 months is my goal weight a year from now.

Bill of NON Rights

NEW AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION

'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.


ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.


ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.


ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.


ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)


ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.


ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair, sniff the gas chamber, swing from the gallows, or take it in the vein!!


ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.


ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.


ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.


ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!


ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

Happy freaking birthday

My birthday is tomorrow. I have plans to eat at the Melting Pot with my SIL and invited my mother to go (God knows why.) The first thing out of her mouth was "How late are we going to be there?" She calls today to ask if she can take me to lunch. I remind her my dad is driving up, an hour and a half, to take me to lunch and to look at washers and dryers (for him, his 1970's models finally gave in.) I'm also going to see if I can find something nice to wear to dinner since I've been living in yoga pants and t shirts. Maternity clothes are either expensive or ugly. This is when my mother chooses to have a tantrum. I remind her the deal was that I was going to lunch with Dad and to dinner with her. She says her and her husband need to go mow my grandmothers lawn. Fine. Go mow the damn grass. Never mind that my worthless cousin lives next door and shares the same grass. Lord forbid she have to mow it. Really, I could care less if my mother shows up. I invited her only b/c listening to her bitch about not being invited is somewhat more painful than having flaming toothpicks shoved in my ears. Now she's upset b/c I refuse to change my reservations to an earlier time. I tried to explain that after lunch and shopping that I'd like to come home and shower and get ready before going out to eat. I hate rushing almost as much as I hate being late. Besides, it's my birthday. Then she points out I didn't call her in her birthday last year. I did call. Five times. She never picked up and never called me back. Aside from that she is the mother, I am the child. At some point she stopped caring about that. Every conversation I have with her remindsme how selfish and narcissistic she is. I keep blaming her. Question is, when am I going to learn that I cannot control anyone's actions but my own. I have to find a way to stop caring so much that she doesn't care. I'm having a new baby and raising a very sweet little boy, as well as nurturing a marriage to a wonderful man. I don't need toxic people in my life.

This could be why I'm so screwed up....

nar·cis·sism[nahr-suh-siz-em]
–noun 1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
2. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

I need to get this out. I may not be able to do it all in one post but I need to deal with this in a fashion that doesn't involve bias. In a way that allows me to form cohesive thoughts and not be burdened by the finality of speech.

My mother is an RN. When I was 11 she took a job she didn't (financially) need to take in a town 2 hours away from my father and I. My dad made enough money without her income to support us. She worked b/c she wanted to. She was gone Monday thru Friday and came home regularly on the weekends for a while. After a few months the weekends home become more sporadic and she would want me to come visit her. At some point she quit that job and returned home.

When I was 14 my mother allowed my 16 year old cousin and I to borrow her car (along with a carton of cigarettes she'd bought us)and drive an hour and a half into the city by ourselves to go to a water park.

Soon after I started my freshman year of high school she convinced my father to extend my curfew to 12:30 and I started hanging out with last years seniors (now college freshmen.)

At 15, the weekend before Christmas, she told me she was leaving my father. And made me promise not to tell him. She finally told him on New Year's Eve, the night before she left.

I spent the summer with her at her new condo. That's when I realized that for 3+ years she'd been cheating on my father with the man she'd hired to be my grandmother's physical therapist after her stroke.

She would leave me home alone with my boyfriend while she went to "work out" with the girls from work. She would come home with hickeys. At some point I remember asking her how long she was going to lie to me.

I decided to spend my Junior year with her since my new school would allow me to take college classes during the day. At this point, with a father working to afford alimony and child support, a mother who spent most of her time with her boyfriend and a credit card of my own (I was never made to work and my car was bought for me, along with insurance) I began to find other ways to get attention. Thankfully I never have been a drinker or done drugs. I just became a slut. My grades didn't suffer and I always made it to school on time so there weren't any "red flags." I wasn't a stupid girl either so I made sure birth control was covered.

My mom met a guy in a bar shortly after my dad filed for divorce. She would leave me alone, with what ever friend, male or female that was there, and spend the night with the new man. I'd spend 3-4 nights a week alone. I always went to my dad's on the weekend. After six months of listening to my mother moan about how stupid she was to leave my dad and how if she had it all to do over again...... she got engaged. In a bar. I was there b/c she's found a way to get me in and had been letting me go out with her. I was 17.

My senior year I moved back in with my dad. My mom moved in with her new husband and his two male roommates. When I would visit, I got to sleep on the couch.

My dad isn't totally in the clear. He should have worked less and stood up to her more. But she was always really good at hiding things from him.

My mother never does anything she doesn't want to. She doesn't think her decisions through and is now married to an alcoholic who doesn't want to sleep with her. She's never ever on time for anything and may or may do what she's promised. I spent 5 years after high school trying to make her love me the way I always thought a mother should. Then I had Remi.

We told her from day one of my pregnancy that as long as she smoked she would not keep my child. See on top of everything I've just told you, my mother is addicted to prescription drugs. Oh now she doesn't think she has a problem. She's had 3 back surgeries and has a "prescription" from a doctor she drives almost 2 hours to see b/c no other medical professional in his or her right mind would give her the meds she has now. Daily (sometimes two or three times) my mother takes morphine, oxy contin, Tylox, Loritab, Soma, Xanax, blood pressure meds, and Percocet. She falls asleep while she's talking. When I stopped taking my Percocet 3 days after my C section, she offered to buy them from me. Oh and on top of all of that she has "fibromyalgia." Yeah, that's a woman I'm going to let keep my child.

After his third birthday this year I told her she could come get him for a few hours the next weekend (my aunt would be with her.) She never showed up. Not even a phone call. At that point whatever inside me was still making excuses for her broke as I watched my 3 year old stand by the door waiting for Gammy.

I didn't talk to her for 2 months. When I finally answered her calls she told me it was time to "let go" of all of "that stuff." She had "paid her dues" and I needed to let it go. That she hadn't done anything wrong. That I just didn't have any respect for her

She doesn't understand why I feel the way I do. She doesn't think anything she did could have hurt me. I realized recently I don't hate her anymore. I'm not angry, or hurt. I'm indifferent. I used to say I loved her b/c she was my mother. At some point in the last few months I realised I felt nothing anymore. I just want her to go away. I used to feel badly for Remi. Then I realized that he has a wonderful, amazing grandmother in my MIL. I can't let my mother hurt him the way she hurt me. I didn't have anyone to protect me but I can protect my son.

My husband doesn't understand. My dad feels horrible about not doing something but hind sight is 20/20. I'm not sure what to do from here. I have no idea how to deal with this. She really and truely doesn't understand what she's done and until she can admit to something I can't have a relationship with her. I feel lost. How do you tell your own mother you don't want to speak to her any more?

Broken filter

My dad has always told me that God forgot to install the filter bewtween my brain and my mouth. My internal filter is beyond repair. You wnat butt pats you've coem to the wrong palce. Which means if you come to me whining for advice I will give it to you, uncensored and unrrated. If you then shoot down Every. Single. Suggestion I make with some lame excuse be prepared. I will tell you that it isn't your husband's fault your marriage is in the shitter. The man TOLD you exactly what he needed and you continued to ignore him. You made excuses about conflicting schedules and kids that get "upset" about going to bed early and about how you don't want to go outside and do things becasue its cooooooooooold. Guess what? We he leaves your whining excuses to find a woman that will LISTEN to him, you will get no sympathy from me. Men are simple. If you've already had sex, make him a damn sandwich. Put the kid to bed early no matter how pissed she gets. Better to have a slighty mad 2 year old than to be a single mother. You have a husband who cares enough to tell you what he needs changed (and has reasonable requests) and didn't just immediatly try to replace your bitchy ass (I wouldn't have blamed him.)

It comes down to one thing- The best gift you can give your child is to love her father. He is not there only to pay bills and make sperm donations. He has needs and feelings and he's TRYING for God's sake. Try with him!!! And stop whinign to me. I ran out of cheese ages ago.

Abortion

Yeah, I'm going there.





Saw this bumper sticker and thought "Damn that makes no sense." Obviously the person is Pro Choice. Fine. Whatever. But least get one thing straight- sperm are NOT viable life. They are POTENTIAL life. A sperm all on it's very own will not create a human being. It needs help. Like a uterus and an egg and a portal to the outside world. You know- a WOMAN. Some guy getting his rocks off to the current Bunny of the Month isn't killing a viable life. Get that key word? VI-A-BLE As in it doesn't include any of the other necessary components to eventually become a living breathing human. A fertilized, implanted egg that is past the point of two pink lines and the "Oh shit what am I going to do now!" is a VIABLE life. Most likely, given 9 months, it WILL turn into a small creature with 10 toes and fingers.

I am Pro Life. In my world, excluding cases of rape and/or incest, if you choose to drop your drawers, you deal with the consequences. Anyone who goes into a sexual relationship thinking "Oh well if I get knocked up I always have out out," is never EV. ER. going to learn a damn thing. Don't preach to me about 16 year old girls. I have no sympathy. First of all I was sexually active in high school and I used NO LESS than 2 forms of birth control. And now a days they give them out FOR FREE. Second of all I have 2 friends who have been waiting for AGES to adopt from an agency with 40,000 couples nation wide who are also waiting. So don't tell me adoption isn't an option because I will call bullshit.

There is NO excuse for getting knocked up provided you willingly consented to have sex. There are a bajillion types of birth control available that your local friendly health department worker will throw at you with reckless abandon in order to prevent you from reproducing.

So seriously Mr. Pro Choice advocate, take your absurd claim that your some how miracle sperm can produce human life all on it own and shove it up your ass. Just sayin'.

Open letter

To the Fast and Furious wannabe-

Every time you change lanes for no reason, God kills a kitten.

Past the expiration date

I met my best friend in birthing class. Her daughter is 6 days younger than Remington. He husband is a major in the Air Force and makes excellent money (this will matter in a moment.) She is a stay at home mom. She's a bit of a hippy. He is clean cut, anal retentive military. They fight all the time. They parent differently. No, not differently. They parent like they are from different planets.

They fight. Loudly and frequently. This increased once they had a child. A baby only amplified their differences. Four months ago she had consulted an attorney and was looking for an apartment. Then, later, I told her Ed and I had decided to have another child. Getting pregnant isn't easy for me. It takes time, fertility treatments and lots of face to hoo hoo time with my OB. No really, I'm not bitter.

Recently she she decided to get knocked up. He thinks it was an accident. Financially they are secure so this isn't devastating news to him. He takes it in stride. She thinks if she is pregnant he will be nice to her. She was wrong. A month ago I tell her about the appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist. The next week she tells me she decided to get pregnant. Yesterday she tells me that they are still Fighting and she thinks she should have an abortion. Did you hear my jaw hit the floor? She terminated one pregnancy in her early twenties so I know she's capable of it.

Let's review- Me, trying to have a child while allowing many strangers to invade my reproductive organs. She- aware that I'm fighting to get pregnant. Disregarding my feelings and admitting she got pregnant on purpose to trap her husband and then telling me that it didn't work so now she thinks she should terminate.

I think this friendship is past it's expiration date. Not only am I fiercely pro life getting pregnant to "fix" anything is the most ignorant thing I've heard in a long time. I'm speechless.

Mrs. Manners is having a stroke

I'm floored at the sheer tackyness that abounds. Seriously. I'm awestruck.

My husband's best friend is getting "married" on the 15th. I use that term loosely because they have lived together 12 years and have an 11 year old daughter. For all intents and purposes they're married. In any case they have deiced to have it made official. Whatever. He's 38, she's 40 what's the fucking point?

So we get an invitation to the, well, not to the actual wedding, that's just for immediate family, but to the reception. Then I get an invite to a bridal shower complete with super tacky registry info included. Now let me get this straight. You've lived together over a decade. You're child in is junior high. You just bought a brand new 140k dollar house on 10 acres. And you want ME to buy YOU a fucking present?! Really? You have GOT to be shitting me.

Now as if that wasn't enough, the future Mr. Tacky has decided to have a bachelor party. Hello numbnuts! You haven't been a bachelor since the early nineties! I'm sure there will be copious amounts of drinking(which I suppose is fine on rare occasions) but there will also be mostly naked women. No way Jose. I don't roll that way. We haven't talked about it but if my husband is even entertaining the thought of attending this oh so classy affair he is sadly mistaken.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not (usually) one of those women. I don't care what he does most of the time. Fishing, hunting, football whatever. Fine. I want to spend time with my friends too. However we attend the ballet, nice restaurants our husband's think are "girly." We go to the movies, to baseball games etc. We do NOT however go to bars unescorted. I'm not going to toot my own horn too much but I'm not bad looking and I KNOW that if I patronize a place generally used to pick up a drunken conquest I will get hit on. And then I have to explain what that ring on my left finger means and that yes, I know you don't care if I'm married, but my 6'3" 250lb husband cares and you would do well to back. the. fuck. off. And I certainly don't attend functions where some naked man is going to be gyrating his goods in lap. No thank you. That's less appealing than, and not nearly as productive as, sticking flaming toothpicks in one's eardrums.


In other words I do not place my self in unsavory conditions that could, given one too many tequila shots, be detrimental to my marriage. I'm hoping my husband feels the same way. Because if he doesn't he will soon enough. No matter what kind of convincing it takes. And he would do well to remember my concealed carry license.

Do what now?

I got this info from a Friends of Fred Thomson email and I'm floored. A Republican is supporting government mandated health care? Seriously? Have they done no research? Hell they're close enough to Canada, just ask them how great it is. And to penalize those with out health care? What if someone is wealthy enough to pay out of pocket? Should they be fined too?

And on top of that to cover all abortions? A government health care plan is paying for abortions. Tax payers money is helping to fund abortions. Unfuckingbelievable.

Here's a link to the video mentioned in the email and a link to the state's website where is tells those lucky residents of MA to register or face the hammer of doom. I bet Jay is having a field day with this.....
Oh and here's the text of the actual email-

"Mitt Romney says his government-mandated health care plan is one of his most important accomplishments as governor. But what does his plan really accomplish, and is this the kind of health care plan YOU would want to be forced to pay for?

Today, November 15th, Massachusetts residents who fail to register with the government and show proof of health care coverage will be slapped with a tax penalty for this year!

For individuals, the amount will be on average $219 this year and they will receive a punitive fine as much as $2,000 over the next year.1

Small business owner? It's even worse; you'll be fined $295 per employee who isn't enrolled in Romney's government-mandated health care plan!2

So what sort of services does Romney's health care p lan provide?

Per the state website:

$50 co-pay for abortions

While court mandate requires Massachusetts to cover "medically necessary" abortions in state-subsidized health plans4, Mitt Romney's plan covers ALL abortions - no restrictions.

After it passed, Romney vetoed dental care for Medicaid recipients from his health plan, but did nothing to prevent coverage of abortion on demand for a mere $50.

Romney has tried to distance himself from his Hillarycare-type plan, but you can watch the video where he takes full credit. There's nothing conservative about Mitt Romney's health care plan. It's a government subsidized health care plan that requires citizens to register with the state, slaps working people with tax penalties, and provides $50 abortions on demand."

Update and more proof women are nuts

Where does the time go? I feel like I have been going non stop for weeks but I'm not sure what I've been doing. Remi started sleeping in his own bed Saturday night. Well sort of. He make sit about half the night before he comes to our bed. But half a night with out two little feet stuck in my back is good enough for me. Besides it's nice to have that time with my husband back. The funny thing is that Ed is more upset about me moving him that I am. That little boy has my 6'" 250lb husband wrapped so tightly around his little finger I'm not sure he'll ever come loose. It's ridiculously adorable. I've been blessed with a man that is not only a wonderful husband but a great dad.

Now here's a dilemma I have- I can be shallow. And vain. And I'm just terrible at being the bigger person. I do my very best to combat those faults before they become apparent to everyone else. Usually I succeed in reminding myself not to be a bitch before it becomes an issue. I'm struggling with this now. Saturday night Ed and I have a party to attend. He and his friends (almost all of whom he has know since grade school)have decided to forgo his high school sponsored reunion for a personally organized get together for all of their "group." Fine. Whatever. I'm not comfortable at all around a bunch of people drinking since I'm a two drink max kinda gal. Also my husband is 11 years older than I am and so, of course, are all of his friends. A few of them are closer to 15 years my senior. All of his male friends like me. (Warning: shallow rant coming) Of course I'm not shocked. They're 40ish and most of them are divorced or have been married to the same (also 40ish) women for 20 years. I'm a novelty. I'm 5'7", blond, 25 and (as of last week) officially a size 6. Plus I have big boobs. Yeah, they like me. Unfortunately their wives do not. Which is odd since I don't really know any of them. I went to one New year's party 6 years ago and they all decided they didn't like me, and I quote "Because her pants are too tight." *sigh* That just pisses me off. I am a college graduate. I will have a Master's degree in a year. I am a mother. My brains do not fall out of my ass when I wear a short skirt. I will not look like this forever so I dress trendy. I do NOT dress slutty. I also do not tolerate high school bullshit from women who graduated in the same decade I was born. I've tried being nice to these women. I only see them on rare occasions and I don't have a beef with them. I've done my dead level best to be the mature one. Well now, I'm tired, I'm stressed and I'm trying to get knocked up. So I quit.

And on top off all of this one of the women present will be my husband's ex wife. They dated though the last year of high shcool and were married 6 years. They have been divorced 7 years. She still calls him (only when she knows I'm not around) and she told my 19 year old niece who ran into her for the first time last week that she wasn't ever going to get married again because Ed broke her heart and she doesn't want any other man. This woman is 38 years old. I would think she would have either A) gotten over it or B) have the class not to tell her ex husband's niece such things.

So I'm going to go to the party. And I'm going to have fun with all of the guys that I really enjoy and two women who are truly secure enough in themselves to not give two shits what other women look like. But because I can be shallow I'm going in my new size 6 skinny leg jeans, my rockin BCBG sweater and these amazing shoes. I'm going to be ridiculously nice and I'm going to look hot doing it. Kill them with kidness right?

You have GOT to be kidding me.

I've always said that if you want to feel better about your parenting, go to Wal Mart. I dislike Wal Mart. Strongly dislike. Really. Hate. Wal Mart. I find it disturbing that in one store I can buy transmission fluid, peanut butter, and a blonde wig. However when you need puff pastry at 7 pm your options are limited. So off I go.

I'm not a big shopper. I don't do nay shopping unless I need something. I'm a get in, get out kinda gal. So I bee line to the pastry and bee line for the check out line. As I'm standing there a woman (dressed to the nines) and her 4ish year old daughter get behind me. I notice this cute little girl is wearing an adorable little purple track suit and as I'm wishing my next baby is of the female variety the little girl turn to her mama. And on her butt the word FLIRT is proudly embroidered. I about choked on my gum.

This country has more than our fair share of child predators. What kind of bubble headed idiot woman with half a brain decides to put her fourfreakingyear old child on display?!? Why for the love of all that is holy would you give anyone any reason to look at your toddler's rear end? I'm 25 years old and I don't even want strange men looking at MY ass. I catch some perv checking out my four year old and he's going to get to meet Mr. Walther up close and freaking personal because I will shoot his ass.

The depths that this society has sunk to baffle me. First some name brand company has the audacity to market thong underwear to 7 year olds. Then a middle school decides to prescribe birth control pills to 11-13 year old. Now toddlers are wearing suggestive phrases on their posterior.

Where are the parents? That little girl certainly didn't purchase that outfit herself. You'd be hard pressed to convince me her grandmother bought it. If I tried to dress my child that way my husband would set me straight in a heart beat. What was that woman thinking? Or was she thinking at all?

My son is almost three. I'm petrified to think about what kind of girls he's going be going to high school with. Hopefully by the grace of God and some good parenting he'll turn out to be a good kid. But it's going to take some seriously hard work to compete with what I'm up against.

Things they are a changin. I hope with everything I'm worth that there are more parents out there who think like my husband and I and that maybe, just maybe, we can hold off the evil forces that surround us for a few more generations.

Cause we's okies

I never watch our local news. Never. It's all half assed reporting and puff pieces with whatever 30 second clip of actual news they've chosen for the day. Unfortunately one of the biggest news pieces lately has been Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to the US (who decided to let the bastard in anyway? if restaurants have the right to refuse service shouldn't the United States have the same right?)and the speeches he gave while here. Now, one would assume that if you *knew* you were going to have to read something off a teleprompter that may be somewhat outside your realm of commonly used words that you might fit in some time to work on the proper enunciation. Well, you know what "ass"uming does.

So with out much, if any, practice these idiot "reporters" (I use that term loosely) attempt to pronounce Ahmadinejad's name. Live. On air. It ends up sounding something like this-
"Iranian President MyMOOD Akmar....Amaginina.....Ak-MAD-din-E-Gad is set to visit the United States this week."
*sigh*
Now I know that the two dozen people who watch our local news probably couldn't even tell you who OUR president is. So I'm sure they don't know who Iran's president is. But for God's sake if you're going to call yourself a reporter you could at least get on Wikipedia and study the pronunciation.
So I gave them a shot. Now I'm back to Fox, Glen Beck, and Hannity. Sorry i strayed boys, guess I just needed a reminder.

I not even going to go into how Mahmoud got all pissy* because someone asked him a difficult question and actually expected him to answer it. Big wuss. Will someone press the big red button and get this over with already?

*Can someone explain to me why blogger's spell check won't recognize "pissy" as a word but gives me a not so pleasant word for the female anatomy as the first suggestion for replacement?

Things that make ya go Hmmmmm

Why is called the Waffle House? They have 17 gazillion types of hash browns ans three (count em'...3) types of waffles. Why isn't it the Hashbrown House?

When someone asks me to do something and ends the request with "Please and Thank you" does that mean I no longer have the option to refuse their request? What with already having been thanked and all.

If you don't like college ball, hate large SUV's, and/or were one of those punk bastards who lived in all black and spent your Saturday nights in high school playing D&D and bad mouthing the girls that actually cared what they looked like, why for Gawd's sake would you ever move to a Southern college town with a kick ass football team? We are all about the gas guzzling vehicle driving, shameless school color wearing All American blonde cheerleader types with their big husbands drinking unpretentious beer and yelling profanity at the other team (and occasionally our own) for 16+ weeks of the year. May I suggest you not walk around loudly badmouthing the Sooners or the cute blonde in short red shorts and a white tee on the first game day of the year. It makes my husband want to hang your pretentious little ass from the nearest goal post for insulting his wife. You weren't cool in high school and you sure as hell arent' cool now. If you don't like our spirit- move.

Girly men

I work with alot of men. Out of 400+ employees there may be three dozen women. Most of the guys I come in direct contact with are under thirty. And I've noticed some disturbing trends- blonde highlights, plucked eyebrows, tanning bed overdose, pink shirts, ankle tattoo's, manicures, enough hair gel to fix the Titanic, not to mention the jewelry in every appendage they can poke a hole in. I've never seen a man over 35 dress this way. At least not one that wasn't getting paid to tour. I could never in a million years date a guy that took longer to get ready than I do.

And can I just mention that a man putting his 28 inch waist into 42 waist pants is as bad as a a woman who tries to squeeze a size 14 butt into a size 6 six pant. For God sakes pull up your damn pants. And what's with the outdated wallet chains? It looks like your dog jumped into your back pocket.

My husband is a jeans and t-shirt guy. For special occasions he may substitute a polo shirt or a button up for the t-shirt but you ain't gettin him outta those jeans. Thankfully this is Oklahoma and no one cares. I think I've seen him in khakis twice in 6 years. He would also die before he let you put gel, mousse or dye in his hair. I think he'd cut his head completely off before you got close. As he puts it "that's women stuff." Manicures and pink shirts are so far out of his realm of reality I'm not even sure he'd know what you were talking about.

So where are all the "real" men? The ones who still change their own oil and can rescue me if I have a flat (yes I CAN change it but I'd rather not.)The ones who would protect my honor in a bar and drink beer instead of something in a hurricane glass. Where are the men who hold doors open and help me with my coat?

I could almost understand these failings from a kid of 18 or 19 (not that I would excuse it but I know how teenagers are) but by the time you hit 26 you should have a basic grasp of how treat a woman.

But that makes me think that maybe it's because women aren't the same. Women my age are mostly promiscuous, not very bright, and far from independent. If they aren't demanding respect from these guys then it's no wonder men have gotten so self absorbed.

I just sincerly hope that this is a trend and that thee are other women out there besides my self who are raising their sons to be respectful men. And who will point out to him that maybe a manacurist's chair isn't the best place to pick up a chick.

Men

Hubby and I have what I call "couple" friends. Married friends of ours that we don't really hang out with separately, only as couples. Two of these couples share an issue. The men are assholes.
One couple lives in far southeastern Oklahoma. Ever seen Deliverance? Yep, it's like that. The guy is closer to my age than hubby's (we're 11 years apart) and is the son of FIL's best friend who owns the land they hunt on every year. He also has a sister who is closer in age to my husband. As a for instance, just so you'll get a small grasp of their mindset, the first year I went down to deer camp (I wasn't allowed to go before we were married b/c we would have had to sleep in separate campers) we were all sitting around the campfire chatting. The daughter/sister is telling us about the Halloween party her 15 year old daughter had. Black powder season always starts around Halloween here. She says "This boy walked into the party and he was :whispering: BLACK!" Because my mouth lacks a filter the first thing out of my mouth was "Why are you whispering? Does he not know he's black?" That earned an elbow from the my other half. Hunting leases are expensive and we're lucky not to have to pay for this land.
So every year we go down I feel like I've stepped into the 1950's. Where I'm supposed to keep the kid, clean the house, and wait hand and foot on my husband. Thankfully my husband knows better and picks up his own damn laundry as well as sharing the dinner responsibilities. So for the first time a few weeks ago this couple comes up to "the city." Which is funny b/c my town isn't even close to being a city, but I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder.
So up they come, with their 7 month old baby, and her pregnant again. This is when I notice what an ass he is. He's constantly riding her about her weight. Yeah she's heavy, but she was heavy before you married her so it isn't as if it should shock you. When his glass is empty he raises it at her and shakes it so the ice rattles. Which, my husband knows, would earn him a lap full of ice. If you want me to get you something to drink, ASK ME, politely, don't assume I'm at your beck and call. We all know what assuming does.
So after a day of listening to the fat jokes, listening to him bitch b/c he has to "babysit" while she takes a shower (when you father the child it isn't babysitting, it's parenting!) then listening to him bitch b/c it takes her too long to get ready (it would help if you would take the baby out of her arms while she does her hair) and listening, worst of all, to him tell her what "better women" my SIL and I are b/c our houses are clean. (Hello, we cleaned for company. You should see my living room any other day. Looks like Toys R US threw up.) I realize I'm less pissed at him for being an ass than I am at her FOR TAKING IT!
T he other couple we know that do this also consists of an ass and a heavy gal. Why do fat women put up with this shit? Is it a self esteem issue? Is it deeper than that? Why would you allow someone to treat you that way? I know not all heavy women put up with it but the trend seems to be alot more rampant with them then with thin to average women. It pisses me off that there are men out there that treat women this way but, as a women, it frustrates me more to see women putting up with it. I want to tell them that they don't have to. That they're beautiful and successful women who don't need that crap.
The couple From SE OK is a little different b/c of the general mindset there. But the other couple lives right here in central OK where women have been equals for at least a decade. There both college graduates who teach high school and just built an amazing new home I would kill for. Unfortunately for us they're moving. To SE Oklahoma. Wonder if that's a coincidence?
I really enjoy these women. I know they deserve better. Their children deserve a better example. What kind of life are their girls going to have if this is how they think men should treat women? And the boys? If I ever hear my son speak to a woman that way he will understand that he is never to big for me to lay into him. I'm so thankful that my husband sets such a good example. He reminds me that even though there is a world full of assholes out there, that true gentlemen still exist.
Of course none of them are under 30 or live in SE OK. Which reminds me, what is it with men in their twenties that makes me want to strangle them?

I'm really not that complicated

I am moody. There are days when I can get all wrapped up in whatever is going on in my life, not like the direction my thoughts are headed and actually think to myself "Give it an hour and your mood will change."
I have the attention span of a house fly. Unless you can keep me enthralled with whatever it is you're rambling about you can assume I'm catching about every third word. I rarely finish anything in one sitting, but I always finish everything on time. You have to be pretty damn interesting to keep me interested in you. Few people accomplish this. As a result most people either love me or hate me. There is no gray area.
I don't have many friends but I'm a fiercely loyal to the ones I do have. There are select few that understand my painfully dry sense of humor. Who know that I have few interests but am very passionate about the ones I have. Politics, gun control, and great books are at the top of the list.
To be my friend you have to understand that I am high strung. It takes very little to get me riled up, but to be fair it's pretty damn amusing when I am. I am set in my ways. No one is harder on me than I am. I expect the same of everyone else.
I can be manipulative. Never in a mean way and only to those who I do not wish to make feel like an idiot. I'm manipulative in a "Gee that's a good idea but maybe you could look at it from this angle" kind of way. Make them think it's their idea and they'll go for it every time.
I can be high maintenance. It takes me half an hour to get ready from shower to out the door but I have expensive taste. However, I also make my own money and don't ask anyone else for a dime.
I work hard. I enjoy physical work that allows me to see what I've accomplished. I also enjoy work that makes me think. I'm a hard worker b/c I am fiercely competitive. I want to be the best and then I feel bad when someone else does worse than me.
I get uncomfortable when people compliment me and offended if they don't. My mind works differently than most people's. I used to think that was an arrogant thought when I was younger, now I just know it's fact.
I tell bad jokes that I think are hilarious. I could listen to George Carlin all day long. Give me George and Bill Cosby and I'll be in stitches on the floor.
Which reminds me, I'm loud. I talk loud I laugh loud and I don't do anything half assed.
I love good food. Any kind of food as long as it's GOOD. I enjoy expensive champagne and Tecate (lime, extra salt). I could drink my weight in sweet tea. Chocolate is my weakness but any other sweet treat I can pass on.
I'm expressive. My best friend can tell you what mood I'm in by watching me walk. I chew on my lip when I'm angry and I hum when I'm nervous. You can tell anything you want to know about me by looking me in the eyes.
My biggest pet peeve is when people argue with me when I KNOW I'm right. I also hate when people aren't on time and when they make excuses.
Women don't generally like me b/c I communicate like a man. If you have a problem don't come to me for sympathy. If you want suggestions on how to fix it, I'm you're gal. You will never have to wonder where you stand with me.
I'm not a good house keeper and it drives my mother nuts. No man will ever measure up to my Dad.
I'm a flirt. If you take my flirting for more than it's worth you should get out more. I wear low cut tops and ripped jeans and cowboy boots. I also adore great dresses and stiletto heels.
My best friend is a man that's 20 years older than I am. I don't care if it makes sense to you but, aside from the man I married, he's the only one that really gets me and won't hesitate to call me on my bullshit. I'll push the limit until you call me on it. I assume if you have an issue with me you'll tell me. If I don't hear otherwise from you I'll assume everything is peachy. Yes his wife knows about me and no we aren't sleeping together. I define the parameters of my personal relationships regardless of how it may "look" to others. If it doesn't make sense to you you need to open you mind a little more.
I know who I am and I know that everything I think i know may change in 5 years. I'm not even 30 yet, there is a lot that I don't know. I make quick judgements but I'm just as quick to admit when I'm wrong about someone. I'm always open to learning new things. As a result I'm a wealth of random, but not entirely useless, information.
I have a bumper sticker that reads "Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun." I also have a concealed carry license and a Walther P22 under my jean skirt. Thunderwear is the best invention ever.
And so help me God if i have to deal with one more male that assumes b/c I have blonde hair and big tits I'm an empty headed woman only here for their amusement they may get a little closer look at that new laser sight I just installed.

20/20

Hindsight that is. I hate being taken advantage of. What I hate worse is when I don't see it coming. I met a nice guy about several months ago and we got to be pretty good friends. He would call once or twice a week and we'd chat. He was always very nice and funny and very supportive of me. He's married, so am I. I never asked to meet his wife, had no reason to. My husband knew I'd made a friend at work and didn't think anything of it. He's quite a bit older than I am so I never invited him to anything but lunch b/c the age gap is just too wide. Regardless, he seemed sweet enough and I enjoyed his company. So today I find out from one of his coworkers that he's been telling people we're sleeping together. Now know how gossip works in a small town and especially in his field so I invite him out to lunch b/c I'm not one to go jumping to conclusions. I want to hear it from the horses mouth so to speak. Guess what? While he swears he never said we had anything going, he did mention that his wife knew nothing about me (red flag) and that he wouldn't be opposed to something happening. Jerk. Once he figured out that nothing was going to happen he couldn't get away fast enough. I'm not a stupid woman. I'm not naive. I'm also not sure how this asshole slipped my radar. I didn't even see the headlights before the truck hit. The whole thing is a shame b/c I really liked him. I felt like he "got" me and not many people do. It also seem sodd that one would invest that much time into a frtiendship just for sex. I got to second guessing my self thinking that maybe thsoe weren't his intentions all along and that maybe when the opportunity arose he decided to test the waters. Then I recall the look on his face and I get pissed off all over again. I just know he's going to call again. I'm not sure what to say. My first instinct is to eat his ass off. It'll make me feel better but there;s always a chance I'll come off looking like an idiot. I could nicely tell him I don't think we should speak anymore but that doesn't seem satisfying at all. I hate days like this. Like Jay G said "Some days you're the windshield and some days you're the bug." Today I'm the bug.

Why I'm slutty

Heh. I'm only kidding. Sort of. Turns out researchers from Rutgers and Villanova University found that the personalities most likely to "sleep around" are either extremely warm or extremely cold. Though for different reasons. The study says-

People who enjoy having multiple sexual partners are almost always socially dominant, but tend to be either very friendly or quite antagonistic, LiveScience.com reports of a study from Villanova University and Rutgers University. Friendly, extroverted people sleep around because they enjoy being with others, while antagonistic people are promiscuous to avoid a meaningful, monogamous relationship, as well as to avoid rejection or being treated poorly.

Now I'm the first to admit to being a flirt. I'm incredible friendly and dominant and while I don't act on my impulses I have to admit if I weren't afraid of the social and professional ramifications I would probably be a slut. Of course that term in and of itself irritates me. If I were a man and managed to bed 4 women in a week I would be some sort of procreation g*d. As a woman, I'm a whore. Now the traditional part of me, while balking at the double standard, thinks that the fear of the label is a good thing. Maybe it keeps young, naive, insecure women from sleeping around for the wrong reasons. But the modern mature woman in me (the largest majority) thinks that because I am educated, mature, and careful that who and how many I sleep with is my damn business and no one else's. Which leads me to wonder if one should continue to perpetuate the double standard. Is it exploitation of the woman if she is a willing and active participant? Does it make her a "slut" if it is her well thought out choice to refrain from a monogamous relationship?

Realistically there is something like 10 species int he entire world that mate for life. Humans, it goes without saying, are not one of them. So why is it acceptable for the male human to act on his impulses but not for the female? I certainly don't advocate careless sex, especially to those too young to be having any kind of sex. But for those of us who are "older" and more emotionally capable of making a sound decision, why should we be branded with a scarlet "S"? Women are, in my opinion, the dominant species. If we were to go uniformly topless and drive sports cars, we could rule the world. Lets face it, a nekkid man just isn't as purty as a nekkid woman. Never has been, never will be, I don't care who ya are. Any human that can be reduced to drooling puddle of waste upon sight of a healthy pair of mammary glands just isn't at the top of the food chain. So why is it they they get to make up the rules about how the feminine half must act in order to be deemed a "proper women?" I call bullshit.

No one should be able to dictate my sexuality but me. If, as a woman, I enjoy sex, and choose to have relations with a man that I have zero intention of pursuing a meaningful relationship with, it really is no one elses business. So for all of you women who are "either very friendly or quite antagonistic" I vote you decide what's right for you! Healthy sex drives shouldn't be limited to the *knuckle draggers.

*Note- this is in no way a man bashing post. I love men, especially those in a uniform. ;)

Balls of Steel

I heart the British guy who decided to say the hell with political correctness and went on a rant about Islam. He says everything in this short clip that many of us have been thinking for years. I'll admit to at least one jaw dropping moment (when he says he doesn't want to be murdered by some "carpet chewing, book burning muppet, with shit for brains" I'll admit to thinking "Damn that's asking for it don't ya think?") but for the most part the fellow is spot on.
He's right when he says that the Muslims bitching about being "respected" has started a downhill slide of other groups demanding the same. I am civil until given a reason not to be. But respect implies that there is something to be admired. I'm not going to respect you just because your DNA happens to read human, instead of say, squirrel.
Free speech is used to justify all kinds of bullshit. Porn for instance. Pornography is NOT free speech. It is commerce. If those naked women stopped making Hef and Larry piles of dough they'd drop them before you could say Viagra. I have a feeling when our men and women were fighting the Nazi's to protect our citizens from the oppression that so many were subjected to under Hitler's reign, that they weren't exactly thinking that would apply to suicide bombers and women taking offensive parts of equine up the ass.
Besides the First Amendment only protects you from being prosecuted by Congress and the judicial branches of government for expressing your opinion on religion, assembling peaceable and so on and so forth. No where in the Amendment does it say that I, a young southern woman with conservative values, has to listen to you rant and rave about virgins and pork. The First Amendment doesn't require that I "respect" any damn thing you say. By law I cannot harm you (though I think the occasional slap upside the head would do many people good. Me included on occasion) and I cannot "slander" you. But I do NOT have to respect you or admire you.
Anyone who tells me, in the face of everything that has and is happening, that Islam is a "peaceful" religion is going to overload my bullshit meter. Every religion has it's extremists and b/c of the way our media works they always get more air time. But Jerry Falwell, in all his judgemental days, never ONCE encouraged anyone to blow up the homosexuals he spoke so ill of. Billy Graham hasn't ever killed a liquor store owner just b/c he doesn't drink. Rev Jackson hasn't ever stolen a plane to fly into Obama's house for not being "black enough." They've all said some pretty ignorant, close minded things but they have never encouraged anyone to harm those they held in disdain for what ever reason. As a result, though I may not agree with them, I respect their right to express their opinions. I do not now, nor will I ever respect a group who insists that the only way to get to heaven is to kill. Mr. Brit With Steel Balls is correct, that doesn't make you religious, it makes you insane. They make pills for that.