Huge mistake

Have you ever done something, KNOWING it was stupid, and still continued to do it anyway? I'm there. It's ignorant. And b/c I am not, generally speaking, a stupid person, I can SEE that it's stupid. But still I continue. I've asked my self why. There are a thousand reasons. Because I need the motivation. I work 25 hours a week, I'm taking an 18 hour class load, and I have a 2 1/2 year old. I've got to get my motivation from somewhere. I'm starting to understand how drug addicts feel. No. I'm not doing drugs, not unless you count that Motrin I took early to combat my headache. I'm an awful person. Really. I know this and, as odd as it sounds, I think I've come to terms with it. This is the first, really miraculously idiotic thing I've ever done. Funny thing is I don't want someone else to tell me how stupid it is and how many things could go wrong. I just want someone to be happy for me. Because I'm happy. This is the one thing that I'm going to do for me. Just b/c it makes me smile. This is the one thing I get to keep all to myself. It's enough for now. It won't always be enough. At some point I'll want more and I'll have to move on. But for right now, in this moment, it's enough. And that's all I can ask for.